Today, my very good friend Alex Pawelczyk shares with us some personal and passionate thoughts regarding his recent life changes that have had an affect on his creative means and inspiration. He speaks about his latest experiences in regards to losing (and regaining) his sense of spontaneity and how his camera is his tool in finding inspiration as well as reclaiming his sense of purpose to cope with the recent changes in his life.
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Find It, shot and written by Alex Pawelczyk (Instagram)
Sitting in my kitchen, smoking a cigarette, and having a coffee in the morning has pretty much became part of my usual ritual. I wake up, shower, shit, shave, and move out. The ritualistic tendencies we give ourselves are common ones. Everyone likes coffee (shut up, yes you do), and everyone has habits. I am no stranger to habitual practices, but for a year, I felt more freedom than I ever have from the mundane.
I used to pride myself on being impulsive. I loved not having a schedule to force myself to stick by. I would go to work Monday through Friday, but everything else was unwritten. I would go to the gym when I wanted, I would drink when I wanted, and sometimes, I found myself staying up until 5am the next morning pumping tunes and developing my ever-present backlog of unprocessed film.
I had a recent move to El Paso, Texas, where I feel as if I’ve lost my inspiration. I just spent a year of my life in South Korea, where I found love for myself, a people, a country, and most importantly, my true passion for photography. I feel as if my work has inexplicably tied itself to that country, and by the orders of the military, I’ve been required to come back to the United States, El Paso worst of all, where it feels as if I have no opportunity for inspiration.
I’ve found myself sitting in my apartment, staring at my camera, wishing I was back in Korea. I’ve felt a range of different emotions during this. I picked up my Leica for the first time in a week and realized there was already a thin layer of El Paso dust settling on top of it. I felt broken, as if I should apologize to it. That block of finely tuned brass and steel, a tool of the trade, being unused by some bitter and scared craftsman.
Today, I’m breaking that cycle. I opened the box in my closet and pulled out a few things.
My Dark bag.
My Patterson tank.
A couple of graduated containers.
Developer and fixer.
Can’t find my thermometer. Fuck it. No more excuses.
I’m back. Even when you feel you’ve lost your inspiration, realize things come and go. Get out there and fucking find it.